Why Your Relationships Feel Different Right Now

Agreements. Boundaries. Core Shame.

Whew. We’re officially in week three of 2026.The glitter of “new year, new me” has settled, routines are creeping back in, and many of us have actually been doing some work, not just talking about it ( I've seen the social media post and Tik Tok and Instagram reels).

You’ve got the planners. You’ve got the content. You’ve got the intentions.

And now? Now we’re noticing something else stirring beneath the surface. Our relationships.

Growth doesn’t happen in isolation. It shows up in conversations, dynamics, silences, expectations, and the quiet realizations that say: “Yeah… this doesn’t fit me anymore.”

So, this week, we’re slowing it down and getting honest about the relationship shifts we may want to make and in some cases, need to make. I call this work the ABCs:

A — Agreements B — Boundaries C — Core Shame

A is for Agreements

The spoken, unspoken, outdated, and assumed.

Agreements are the invisible contracts that exist in our relationships.Some were clearly stated.Some were implied.Some were inherited.Some were made when you were surviving, not thriving.

Agreements sound like:

“I’m the strong one.”

“I don’t rock the boat.”

“I’ll always be available.”

“I won’t ask for too much.”

“This is just how our relationship works.”

Here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough: Many of our agreements were made without our full consent.

They were shaped by:

Family roles

Trauma responses

Cultural expectations

Power dynamics

Fear of loss or rejection

And now that you’re growing, healing, resting, and choosing yourself more intentionally… those agreements are starting to feel tight.

Awareness is the first shift. You don’t have to immediately blow everything up. Sometimes the work is simply naming:

“This agreement no longer aligns with who I am.”

And that is how transformation begins. Just simply being aware.

B is for Boundaries

The structure that supports your becoming.

If agreements are the what, boundaries are the how.

Boundaries are not punishments.They are not walls.They are not ultimatums (even though folks love to accuse them of being so).

Boundaries are clarity.

They answer:

-What am I available for?

-What am I no longer carrying?

-What do I need in order to stay regulated and aligned?

Healthy boundaries:

*Protect your energy

*Support consistency

*Create safer relationships

*Reduce resentment

And yes; boundaries are required for change. Without them, we just keep renegotiating ourselves into exhaustion.

A word on flexibility (because nuance matters):

Boundaries are not rigid rules carved in stone. Sometimes flexibility is aligned—when it’s chosen, not coerced.

Ask yourself:

• Am I flexing because I want to or because I feel guilty?

• Does this flexibility still honor my values?

• Am I abandoning myself to keep the peace?

Alignment is the key. Not perfection.

C is for Core Shame

The quiet voice that shows up right when you start choosing yourself.

Let’s talk about the real reason relationship shifts feel so damn heavy.

Core shame.

That internalized belief that says:

“I’m selfish.”

“I’m too much.”

“I’m ungrateful.”

“I should be able to handle this.”

“Something is wrong with me for needing more.”

Core shame often shows up after you set a boundary or name a new need. It’s sneaky like that.

Where does it come from?

• Early attachment wounds

• Religious or cultural conditioning

• Being praised for self-sacrifice

• Being punished for having needs

• Trauma that taught you love = endurance

Shame thrives in silence and self-abandonment.

How we begin to remedy it:

1. Name it: “This is shame talking, not truth.”

2. Normalize it: Growth always activates discomfort.

3. Practice self-compassion: You are allowed to evolve.

4. Reality-check: Who benefits when you stay small?

5. Reaffirm: Choosing yourself is not betrayal—it’s integrity.

Healing core shame doesn’t mean it never shows up again. It means you don’t let it drive decisions or navigate change.

Bringing the ABCs Together

This work isn’t about cutting people off for sport. It’s not about being cold, rigid, or unavailable.

It’s about:

*Updating agreements

*Implementing boundaries

*Softening shame

*Staying in relationship without losing yourself

Some relationships will adjust.Some will resist.Some may fall away.And some, surprisingly will deepen.

That is when alignment takes place.

As we move through the rest of this month and into the year, I invite you to ask:

“What relationship shift is asking for my attention right now?”

You don’t have to rush it. You don’t have to justify it. You don’t have to explain it perfectly.

Just start by listening.

If you are looking for a space to explore the ABC's in your life; reach out. We are here to help you blossom into who you want to be.