The Holiday Heart vs. The Holiday Cart: A Real Conversation

Every year around this time, I feel a little tug-of-war inside myself.

On Thanksgiving, I’m grounded.Grateful. Centered. Really sitting in everything I have been blessed to have been brought through, everything I have, everything I’m still becoming.

And then here comes Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Here come the TikTok "deals" and the Instagram “steals” that somehow line up perfectly with the thing I casually thought about two days ago. Here comes the algorithm that seems to know my weaknesses and whispers,"you could use that!"

And I’ll be real with you: I’m not immune to any of it. I struggle too. It’s hard to hold gratitude in one hand and desire or pressure in the other.

Because as much as I talk about boundaries and alignment, I’m also a mom, a partner, a friend, a giver… and there’s a part of me that wants to show up big for the people I love.

So this post isn’t me preaching. It’s me sitting next to you, reflecting with you, reminding both of us of what happens during this season.

What Gratitude Feels Like on Thursday…

…And How Fast It Gets Tested on Friday

Thanksgiving invites us into a different pace—one that feels intentional and grounding. We slow down.We breathe differently.We take notice of what we already have.

But by the very next morning, it’s as if the whole world forgets what yesterday was about. Gratitude slowly slips into the background, and before we know it, we’re thinking, “I kinda want this… they might love that… and everybody else is buying, so maybe I should too.”

It’s wild how quickly gratitude can get drowned out by expectation — our own and everyone else’s.

And I don’t think it’s because we’re irresponsible.I think it’s because so many of us are craving something deeper:

to be good parents; to be thoughtful partners; to feel generous; to not disappoint anyone; to belong; to give what we didn’t have growing up; to keep up; to feel “successful” or “together”

We’re not chasing the deals — we’re chasing validation.... I feel that too.

The Pressure Is Real — And It’s Emotional, Not Financial

I’ve learned that most holiday overspending isn’t about money at all. It’s about emotion.

It’s about wanting our kids to feel joy .It’s about wanting our parents to see we’ve made it. It’s about wanting our partners to know we see them. It’s about wanting our friends to feel loved. It’s about wanting to feel “caught up” with everyone else’s highlight reel.

And on top of that? Our phones do not make this season easy.

TikTok will have you believing that one little $13 gadget is about to organize your whole life. And Instagram? Whew… it will show you a Christmas so perfect and polished you start wondering if your living room is even trying.These apps know exactly when to hit you with the “you need this” energy — usually right when you’re tired, emotional, or wanting to feel a little more put together.

So if you feel pulled in a hundred different directions…If you feel that little knot in your stomach when you want to say no…If you feel the pressure to give more than you realistically can…

You’re not “doing too much.” You’re not dramatic. You’re human. And, you are definitely not alone.

A Moment of Reflection (For Both of Us)

This year, I want to invite both of us into a softer question:

“What am I actually trying to give?”

Not the gift.Not the item.Not the haul.But the feeling.

Am I trying to give love? Attention? Security? Joy? Pride? Connection? Presence?

Because those things — the things our souls really long for — don’t always come from packages.

Sometimes they come from time. From presence. From consistency. From listening. From slowing down long enough to see each other.

And honestly? Sometimes they come from slowing down long enough to see ourselves.

A Gentle Reminder As We Head Into December

You’re doing your best.Truly.

And maybe this year, the best gift you can give is a holiday where you aren’t mentally exhausted or financially stretched thin.

Maybe the gift is: more time and less tension- more presence and less pressure- more peace and less performing- more meaning and less “doing the most”

Maybe the gift is letting gratitude last longer than 24 hours.

Maybe the gift is letting yourself breathe.

Closing Reflection

As we step into the rest of this season, I’m asking myself — and I’m asking you:

“What do I want the holidays to feel like this year?”“What memories am I hoping to create?”“What am I no longer willing to sacrifice to prove I'm enough?”

Let’s give ourselves permission to make choices from alignment instead of pressure.

Let’s let gratitude stay in the room a little longer.

And let’s hold on to the truth that love — real love — is never measured by how much we spend, but by how present and intentional we’re willing to be.

We’re learning.We’re growing.And we get to do this season differently.

Together.